Pastor’s Corner: “No Doormats”
Matthew 5:39 (NIV) – If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
When I read this scripture, I am reminded of what a dear friend and Godly man (Doug McArthur) used to say: “We are called to wash others feet, but not to be doormats.”
A doormat is a rug placed by a doorway on which people wipe off their shoes. The term doormat is also used to describe people who allow themselves to be (figuratively) walked on by others; that is, a doormat allows himself or herself to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense. Since Jesus taught us to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39)and to “do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27), was He telling us to be doormats?
Jesus didn’t want His disciples to be doormats and He doesn’t want us to be doormats either. In the above verses, Jesus was teaching His disciples how to respond to personal slights in their everyday lives. This means that when we experience “slaps on the cheek,” instead of following the normal human reaction, which would be to respond in retaliation out of anger, we can take the high road and respond in love, choosing to forgive (Proverbs 19:11). Turning the other cheek does not mean letting people walk all over us; it means not to retaliate and walk in forgiveness. Being a doormat is weakness, but choosing forgiveness is strength. “A person’s wisdom yields patience; / it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11). The best defense is forgiveness.
Jesus wasn’t talking about running away in fear or cowardice, but something much more difficult. It requires tremendous courage to stand your ground but not retaliate. In other words, even when unfairly attacked, you do not react. You stand your ground and take what comes – turning the other cheek. Now, this takes a lot of guts. And in reality, very few can do it – it just isn’t natural. In fact, it’s really a supernatural calling for the disciples of Jesus. So followers of Jesus, pay attention, because this calling is for us! We cannot do this in our own power, but only through surrendering our control to the Holy Spirit’s control living inside of us.
Has someone offended you lately? Or caused you to feel hurt or resentful? It may have been something a family member said, or a comment made about you at work. Often the guilty party is unaware they’ve given offense. But when we feel offended and bear a grudge, we’re the ones who suffer, not those who have hurt us. Too often these days we seem to get so worked up over something minor or incidental (slap on the cheek) and end up leaving our imprint in the way of an action, a gesture, a post, a comment or even worse. We see this happen every day with responses made to remarks on the internet. Many have a need to bite back or air their opinion, not realizing they are putting something out there for the world to see, re-post and attach to ours and their character.
I read this post from a woman the other day: I won an internet battle. I didn’t win it by debating or arguing or spending hours going back and forth with a person I only knew from a profile picture; in fact, I’m not even certain I got in the last word or convinced the person I was right. I won the argument by letting it go. I refused to be bated and I denied them the chance to rile me up. I wished them well for the rest of their day, honestly and sincerely, and shut my computer and at that moment, I won the battle.
Why do we get worked up over little matters that don’t really make a difference in the big picture? We need to live in the moment, not worry about getting the recognition for everything, choose our battles wisely and live each day as it might be our last. We are called to accept others as they are, overlook minor annoyances (because we all have them), avoid needless arguments and reconcile our differences instead of trying to make others accommodate to our ways and desires. I find by turning the other cheek in the face of offensive behavior speaks more to those who don’t know the Lord than my words can. “Blessed are the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:9) – those who choose not to act on pure emotion, but rather in love. “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments” (2 Timothy 2:23).
We all have some sort of struggle going on in our lives. Instead of reacting immediately and emotionally to every situation, consider what others may be going through. What causes them to act or speak this way? Take into account the way we have responded at times to difficult circumstances (not well), and try not to judge the actions of others. “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1). “Slaps on the cheek” have more to do with our pride than injustices. When we learn to humble ourselves, not retaliate and forgive with the help of Holy Spirit, we have actually won the “real battle.”
In His Grace,
Pastor Hamilton