Pastor’s Corner: “Hard Love”
Luke 6:32 (NLT) – “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!”
It probably isn’t hard for you to think of a difficult person in your own life. In our broken, sin-filled world, they are everywhere. The coworker who is willing to do anything to get ahead, including taking credit for your ideas. The in-laws who always seem to be peering over your shoulder, critiquing your parenting skills, and offering “suggestions” for improvement. The child who knows exactly how to push your buttons to leave you exasperated and flustered again. The person in your ministry who is constantly complaining about your leadership, who thinks they have better ideas and communicates them with a sharp and biting tongue. The passive-aggressive friend who is kind one moment and gives you the cold shoulder the next. The list can go on and on.
What would our lives be like if we didn’t have to deal with DIFFICULT PEOPLE? Let’s face it. Some people are hard to love. You know what I mean. Ornery, controlling, manipulative, selfish – you fill in the blank. If not for that one difficult person in your life, wouldn’t your life be so much happier? Perhaps. But happiness isn’t everything. Holiness counts too. In fact, making us holy is more important to God than making us happy. And sometimes loving difficult people is the challenge we need to make it happen. So, what do we do with these people? Our natural tendency is to want to run the other way (like Jonah), and avoid them as much as possible. But is that what honors God in these hard situations? Difficult people are exactly the people we need to intentionally move toward.
John 13:35 – “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” True love is God’s love. It looks beyond abrasive, prickly and critical behavior to see and meet the real needs hidden there. Meeting a need in the life of a sandpaper person can be messy and usually demands a sacrifice of some kind on our part. It is easier to simply avoid difficult people than it is to love them the way they need to be loved – not in a way that makes our life easier. For example, when we see that sandpaper person coming, we turn around and head in the opposite direction. When the caller ID shows the name of a sandpaper person in our life, we do not answer. Hurried conversations replace a listening heart. We offer tolerance instead of acceptance. And God is not pleased.
He is committed to our character – not our comfort. God wants us to love each other in the same way that He loves – unconditionally. In fact, God wants us to love in such a way that the people around us will know we are fully devoted followers of Christ. I wonder what our relationships would look like if we did love the way Jesus loves us. Nowhere in the Bible will you find the words, “When you feel like it, love others.” Love is an ongoing and very deliberate choice – not an emotion or a feeling.
What if you made it to the end of your life having loved only those who loved you back? Stop and really think about this question. Loving difficult people is a harder path of faith, but it’s also where His greatest work begins in our own heart. It’s where we begin to learn lessons like, “getting them before they get you” doesn’t make us stronger. Or that living on the defense all the time leaves us little energy to battle what really matters.
On the days that I am able to see myself and others clearly, I am reminded that I am that “difficult person” who is hard to love. I can see my mistakes, failures, attitudes and sin. But at the same time I can also see the LOVE OF JESUS, an unending love that is so great and that God heaps on us – Romans 8:38 (NLT) – 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Then gratefulness floods my heart and I am thankful that Jesus never stops loving difficult and sinful people like me!
Pray with me – Heavenly Father, thank You for looking beyond my faults and for loving me unconditionally. Forgive me when I fail to love others in the same way. Lord, I struggle with loving difficult people. I live constantly on the defense and it’s tiring. I am well loved by You, and I ask that You help me love others in the same way. Give me eyes to see the needs of the difficult people in my life, and show me how to meet those needs in a way that pleases You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
In His Grace,
Pastor Hamilton